Frugal Grasp

How do you hold on?
Gripping fingers rarely work
Knotted ties always slip
Why do you try?

I grasp my fingers around this life
Hoping in solitude my frugal efforts thrive
Digging nails into my palm
Nothing can leave without my word

Reports of betrayal hit my tender skin
None realize what assumptions layout
My fingers itch to let loose
Words in ear say many think other then truth

Why does lack of laughter cause remorse?

The phone lies silent after many tries
The lack of each cut deep
Scaring knuckles, losing grip
When will things turn back to good?

Meaningless repentance
Forgotten forgiveness
Sucking the only thrive I have

How can this last?
Why do I even try?

They continue in arrogance towards pain
Needs may be the repulse
Lack of providence turn away
Am I a burden to bare?

When treats and shows are provided by none
But blessings come from giving a hand onto
Trying, striving, longing to repay
My fingers ache to stretch free

May I grant this pleasurable death?

Palm clams up
Slips unnoticably still
Looks are decieving to most
Maybe I am one

I'm Not Brave Yet

Today right as I started my shift at work an adorable, white blonde haired, little boy came out into the reception area. He threw open the hallway door and stood there holding it, waiting for his mom and little brother. Once they were through he came up to me and started telling me about what had happened to his mom earlier.
“My mommy went to the hospital. She had to get a shot. She didn’t cry or anything.”
I decided to take the conversation away from her since she was standing right there telling another worker about the hospital trip. No need to have the kid tell me when Im already hearing about it.
I asked “Have you ever gotten a shot?”
He smiled and lifted his hand to his back while saying “Yeah I got a shot on my back”
“Where you brave?”
“No” he shook his head “I had my blankie” He slowly walked away from me and sat down on the stairs “Im not brave yet.”

There are several things about this encounter that really got me thinking. First off this little four year old boy held open a door for someone. And when an adult tried to hold it for him he looked up at them and was like “I can hold the door …. really” Really?! Most of the time Im the only one who will stop and hold the door open for everyone and yet a child did the same thing and even stood up to an adult to do so.

But thats not what really caught my attenction. It was his comment about being brave. He said that he isnt brave yet.
You see recently several people I know and love have been faced with “shots”. Im calling them shots because they are situations that are painful, hard, scary, tough and/or scary. We all have to go through them …especially when we are seeking after Christ. Satan does not want us to reach Him. While sitting around we aren’t a threat to him, but as soon as we open our hearts to God we become his enemy and he attacks to keep us from reaching Him. To mess us up, ruin our confidence, destroy our bravery. To keep us from knowing Him (a friend of mine explains this in a blog they just posted unforunately the blog is messing up so i cant link to it).
Even if we aren’t brave now, and are like Peter sinking in the river or a little boy needing a blankie, God doesnt mind being there for us and we can become brave through Him.

We must not give up. We must grasp onto hope. We must have faith.

This passage says it all:

Psalm 31

To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.

1 In You, O LORD, I put my trust;

Let me never be ashamed;

Deliver me in Your righteousness.

2 Bow down Your ear to me,

Deliver me speedily;

Be my rock of refuge,

A fortress of defense to save me.

3 For You are my rock and my fortress;

Therefore, for Your name’s sake,

Lead me and guide me.

4 Pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me,

For You are my strength.

5 Into Your hand I commit my spirit;

You have redeemed me, O LORD God of truth.

6 I have hated those who regard useless idols;

But I trust in the LORD.

7 I will be glad and rejoice in Your mercy,

For You have considered my trouble;

You have known my soul in adversities,

8 And have not shut me up into the hand of the enemy;

You have set my feet in a wide place.

9 Have mercy on me, O LORD, for I am in trouble;

My eye wastes away with grief,

Yes, my soul and my body!

10 For my life is spent with grief,

And my years with sighing;

My strength fails because of my iniquity,

And my bones waste away.

11 I am a reproach among all my enemies,

But especially among my neighbors,

And am repulsive to my acquaintances;

Those who see me outside flee from me.

12 I am forgotten like a dead man, out of mind;

I am like a broken vessel.

13 For I hear the slander of many;

Fear is on every side;

While they take counsel together against me,

They scheme to take away my life.

14 But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD;

I say, “You are my God.”

15 My times are in Your hand;

Deliver me from the hand of my enemies,

And from those who persecute me.

16 Make Your face shine upon Your servant;

Save me for Your mercies’ sake.

17 Do not let me be ashamed, O LORD, for I have called upon You;

Let the wicked be ashamed;

Let them be silent in the grave.

18 Let the lying lips be put to silence,

Which speak insolent things proudly and contemptuously against the righteous.

19 Oh, how great is Your goodness,

Which You have laid up for those who fear You,

Which You have prepared for those who trust in You

In the presence of the sons of men!

20 You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence

From the plots of man;

You shall keep them secretly in a pavilion

From the strife of tongues.

21 Blessed be the LORD,

For He has shown me His marvelous kindness in a strong city!

22 For I said in my haste,

“I am cut off from before Your eyes”;

Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications

When I cried out to You.

23 Oh, love the LORD, all you His saints!

For the LORD preserves the faithful,

And fully repays the proud person.

24 Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heart,

All you who hope in the LORD.