Am I Really Here?

Several times over the past few weeks I have had to stop to take in what I am seeing, doing and feeling. Just this Sunday I had one of those moments while out playing Ultimate Frisbee with some friends.
I had just gotten to my teams end of the field for another “kick”off when I had to majorly check myself. I had just “lapsed” back into time, two years ago. Everything was the same … we were playing the same game, with mostly the same people, in the same field, with the same kind of weather …. and I could keep on going on. It was like I had never left, never gone to Florida, never gone to Russia. And then it hit me that my DTS is over.

I’ve had several of these realizations that I am not going back to Orland, that I am not going to see my friends in the morning. In those moments I almost fall apart completely; the realization makes me aware of how lonely I am, how miserable the past few weeks have been,how much I long to just sit and talk with someone who actually cares. It’s like my mind knows I can’t handle the reality of whats going on so I can only comprehend what has happened for a few minutes randomly throughout the week.

I mean it can’t be over yet. It hasn’t really been five months, has it?