Adjusting

Losing someone is always hard. People move, start a new chapter of their lives. And sometimes they never come back.
Throughout my life I’ve had to deal with this. What has helped up till now is that I know it’s not a true goodbye. I will see them again relatively soon. It may be a couple years, but there will be phone calls and emails until then. That and all my goodbyes have been to friends. Not once have I had to learn to adjust to life without an adult that I respect and love.

I work at a church as a youth group intern.
I also have several other jobs at the same church but my focus is on the youth group. I don’t agree with doctrine of the church, but the youth group is different. In fact for awhile people in the church had problems with how the youth group ministers, but they’ve gotten over it.
The point is I love working here. Especially because of the team I am with. The Youth Pastor, our Assistant and Techie … we get along great and make a wonderful team.
Two Sundays ago I found out that the youth pastor is leaving. He has taken a position as a youth minister at a church in the Detroit area, his hometown. I haven’t figured out how to take it.
When he first told me I was set on the fact that he had to be pulling a joke on me … not a very funny one though. He’s that kind of person, constantly joking around, pulling pranks, making up elaborate stories just to see how far he can go. I wasn’t until Foster, our volunteer who does tech, looked over at me and stated that this was real.

How do you do this?
Adjust to life without not only your boss (who has been more then generous) but your friend and spiritual father. Someone who you see almost everyday …. and enjoy almost every moment. Someone who understands you more than you can understand.

As I’ve been trying to process this the past two weeks one song comes to mind. “The Call” by Regina Spektor.

“Then word grew louder and louder till it was battle cry
I’ll come back when you call me, no need to say goodbye.
Just because everything changing doesn’t mean its never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are as you head off to the war.
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light
You’ll come back when it’s over no need to say goodbye.
…. But just because they can’t feel it too doesn’t mean that you have to forget
let your memories grow stronger and stronger until they’re before your eyes.
You’ll come back when they call you no need to say goodbye”

Emotions

It’s really odd how easily our emotion can change. Now as a woman i know I can’t speak for guys, but I can say I have seen the attitude/emotion of a man change very quickly.

Just today I was feeling rather happy. The sun was shining, beautiful weather overall, work was enjoyable, I was freshly showered and *I thought* looking very nice. Im not saying that these things have changed, but rather that I don’t appreciate them as much at the moment and it is now dark and windy so the weather has changed.
Around 7pm tonight as I sat at the front desk paying only enough attention to buzz people inside the building my sister came bearing bad news. Now she didn’t try to slide it in as she handed me the movie I had requested. Instead she declared I was going to kill her before she was even up the flight of stairs to my desk. Now this introduction of herself first lead me to think that she had ruined my favorite jacket, which I had been letting her borrow the past few days and just the night before gotten on her about almost putting the sleeves in fingernail polish.
To my dismay that was not the case at all.
Before I go on I must tell you that earlier that day my mom had mentioned returning a movie we had rented the previous night. Now I had watched this movie with her and my sister but was still planing on watching it again tonight with a good friends of mine. So I asked her if we could return the movie before I went to work so that I may then check it back out, under my name, along with another movie. Sadly we did not have enough time to do this; in the end I gave my debit card to my mom so that she may process the transaction after taking me to work and before picking up my sister from school.
Naturally all of this went through my head as my sister stood before me. I could only wonder until she decided to start describing a particular event to me … “I was telling mom something when the wind hit my hand so hard that your card flew out of my hand” …. “I had the movie in my hand too” (now she has a card and the movie in her hand while telling me this) … “So we turned around and searched for it … yes we were driving … my hand was outside the window … it just was. And no this is not your card. We looked for your for 10 minutes and couldn’t find it. You need to call this number and deactivate your card.”
Agh! My only though was “money!”. After a few seconds it involved into “Why were you holding your hand outside the car window with my card in it?!”
My mom then came inside to see if I was handling it appropriately. She tried to calm me by saying that they would send me another card and, at my complaint that I didn’t have money now, all I had to do for was withdraw …. and then she left before I could put a word in.
Withdraw money … if you have withdrawn money you know that it must be in increments of 20. Most of the time this doesn’t bother me but as of renting the movie I only had $19.56 left in my bank account. The irony. Plus you can not withdraw without your bank card, so it would have been out of the question any way.

Probably the main reason why this is ticking me off so much is because I no longer have a way to buy dinner tonight and food for through Friday (i can really stretch a dollar). I know Ill be able to acquire cash by the weekend, I have some stashed at my moms house, but I don’t get paid till the end of the month and I am now without twenty dollars.

Needless to say I am no longer in a good mode.